I hesitated to write this page, as you never want to reveal too much or too little. Especially about yourself. Revealing too much can cause you to turn people off or bring them closer to you. I am 31yrs old, have two kids, and no pets. I grew up in Chicago, north side, but roamed all over the city.
I love the city. It's dark, cold, and damp. But it is also warm ,bright, and loving. I love the concrete, it is warm to the touch in the summer. I love the lake, providing breezes in the summer time and warmth in the winter. I love the enormousness of the city. How you can disappear into the crowds as a nameless face, or see people you know from the old neighborhood all over the city throughout your life. This city will make you or break you.
I have a million stories of funny shit that happened, ironic shit, secret hideouts and cool places to hang out.
Anyways, growing up, I almost let this city break me. I allowed it to go that far, but I have always been a little daredevil. I came back from the brink, but I know there are others out there that are just like I was. I eventually moved out of the city, and into the suburbs. I miss the city a lot, but know I would not move back there now.
It's different, as it should be, things never stay the same, but I did not imagine it to be what it is now. There is a new culture of yuppies in the city now, and they are taking over. Pushing everyone who cannot afford to keep up with their high priced lifestyles into some of the worst areas of the city, overcrowding those areas. Now high crime areas are higher crime ares because of the sheer numbers of poverty stricken people that have been pushed into the outer neighborhoods. Children dying everyday, crime is rampant, and no respect for anything other than the all mighty dollar. That's not my scene.
I tried a different area for a while, moving to another state with my husband. That did not work for me either. It was hard for me to fit into the small town country life when I am a true blue city girl at heart. Too many problems, issues, and no privacy led me to leave and come back up north.
Now we live in Naperville, the ghetto of Naperville. To me it is a joke to call this a ghetto, but to the little boys out here it is as hard as it gets...lol. They make me laugh at their silly shenanigans of stealing bikes and walking our block until 2a.m., if they only knew what a real ghetto was. It's nice out here, but still, not my cup of tea at heart. It's tolerable for me though, but now as of late, I have been questioning if I really want to stay out here or not. I know if money was no object, this is not where I would make my home.
However money is an object, and an important one at that. It seems like money is the unobtainable thing that I have always been chasing in my life. When I was younger, it didn't mean that much to me. I knew I would always get more on payday and as I went through the week, if I ran out, I always had friends to take care of me. As an adult, it is much different. I wish I had the freedom with money that I used to have. I am always looking for ways to get our household to generate more income. I have worked 3 jobs before just to make sure I can buy everyone everything they want for Christmas. It's insane. And I know money does not buy love, but what it does buy is everything else. And everything else is what makes you happy. So you can see how it is all connected.
I try to explain these things to my children, my two beautiful innocent daughters. I see the confusion in their eyes when I talk abut these topics to them. They wonder why am I so passionate about this topic, and why do I drill it home to them as if they had nothing else to learn in life. No one wants their children to suffer through what they did. Every one sees the potential in their children that can be maximized or wasted by them, and you can do nothing about it. No matter what you teach your children or how steadfast you are in your values and beliefs, your children are still individuals. they still chose their own paths in their life. Nothing you say or do or teach will prepare them for the outside real world when they leave the comfort of the nest. they take the tools you have given them, but they build their own houses with them.
So what is out there for me in the future? Who knows? I don't. I do not even know what will happen tonight. I used to be scared of this unknown, but now I embrace it. I have started to allow things to flow naturally instead of always trying to control them. My need for control is what ruined a lot of things for me. My inability to take constructive criticism, and hard headedness led me astray from the Red Road. I am trying to get back there every day, and can see it in sight. But it is a long journey, as it was a long journey to get where I am now. I know I can make it. And I hope you follow me through my journey in life.
As always...
Live...Love...Laugh...Learn...&Teach
~AprilFresh
