Man appreciation...

A thought for today...

Women are so quick to down a man these days. Yes, a man is there to help you provide for you, love you, protect you... But he is human just as you, and has feelings too. When I met my mate,
I was in a realtionship. My mate made it is his goal to get me to appreciate myself weather I left the other man & went with him or not. He showed me in many ways how much he cared for me, as a person, and not as what he could get out of me. But I was blinded to him for a long time until slowly but surely, common sense kicked in and I realized, this guy is here through all of this...he really likes me. He really really likes me! (lol) I then ended the other relationship & let my rival have that guy. Smartest move I ever made in life.

 But then, I made mistakes again. I carried everything from the previous relationship over into this new one. I made it horrible for my mate to even breathe because I was still holding onto all the hate I had from my previous relationship. I was still so hurt by previous' actions and the fact that I gave up and didn't "win" him that I was bitter and cold to my mate. Lucky for me, he loved me so much. He stayed, and dealt with it, in his own ways. We were 18 & 20. We were young, and just trying to make it.

I began a war with my mate. Nothing he did was right. I was mad at everything he said and did. Back then I thought I hated him and the decision I had made. In hindsight I realize I was a young girl who was never shown how to really appreciate a man and then show him that. I thought making him a meal was the greatest thing in the world, but then would get mad when he didn't eat it. But I had made food he didn't like. I would hate him for wanting to go out with his friends and play basketball after work because I had been in the house all day. But what I didn't realize was he needed that escape and wind down from his day to properly show me the attention, affection, and love he needed to. And if he stayed out past 1am with his boys I threw the chain on the door and fought with him fiercely when he got home.

All of this was more than me just holding him to the standards of the last guy. It was also the product of heavy media and society brain washing.

Every guy that stays out past 1am is not out fucking nasty hoes in the middle of the street. Some are, but not all. Every guy that goes to play bball after work is not scheming on hoes. Some are, but not all. And if I am going to make him a meal, I should make what he likes, not what I like. Society teaches us that to not be a man's doormat we must kick him out the instant he does wrong and "train" him to do right by us, or he is gone. Because we are independent and strong!

I'm very independent. My mate will be the first to tell you "you can't tell her shit". I'm very strong. My mate will be the first to say "I'm glad you're here baby cuz I wouldn't know what to do". But I honor my mate too. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I keep in the forefront of my mind "This man loves you, raised two children with you, and never left you. Listen to what he has to say. Afford the benefit of the doubt."

Many women do not do this. When my mate was laid off after our second child was born did I snap off when he told me? Leave him? Ask him what now? Begin to hate him because he was not financially supporting me at this moment? Nope. I made him dinner, I washed his face, and I held him while we talked about how we would tackle this bump in the road. Then I made love to him so sweetly. And he woke up the next day ready to face it and find new employment. I gave him encouragement, advice, and love. Men need these things too. They need them just as much as us. If we do not give it to them, what will they have to draw on when we need it from them? Give & Take.

No one should be a doormat. No one should be in a relationship where it is only take and no give. But everyone should take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Do I really need to be this mad? What am I accomplishing by pushing him away? Why do I need to be so bitter about it? Does it even matter anymore in the grand scheme? Are WE accomplishing what we want to, or are WE fighting every day?

Ladies, step up. Take care of your man. You don't have to throw rose petals to his feet, but a kind word, a warm gesture, an unexpected moment of understanding, those small things go a long way for a man. A man is like many other things in life, an investment. If you want a large return, then you better take a big risk, invest a lot, and work hard until it works itself.

Food For Thought in a World of Rot...

~ChitownAP

CPS discipline too harsh?

Today I read an article in the Huffington Post, Chicago edition about CPS and their discipline issue. To me this is such a complex issue that I almost don’t know where to start. It is a very short article (link below) however; it so far has prompted over 97 comments, all interesting with merit in their own perspectives. I grew up in Chicago and went to a myriad of schools from test-in-only gifted schools to high priced catholic prepatory schools to the local neighborhood corner school. My opinions and feeling of these individual schools have changed over the years and given me perspective on my views of them when I was attending them. I say this because this school experience gave me a diverse background and insight into how they are run, the type of students that attend tehm, and the culture cultivated there as well.

This article, as I said, addresses the discipline issue facing inner city schools in the Chicago area. Many of these schools have notorious reputations or are breeding grounds for various gangs from the respective neighborhoods. The article states that a group of students staged a protest to the current discipline system demanding that it is reevaluated for its harsh standards. Student activist favor “restorative justice programs” and peer juries to determine disciplinary measures needed on a case by case basis.

Well, duh. You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. Teens have conflict because they lack the life skills to handle various situations and weigh the consequences of those actions against long periods of time. Well, most teens, of course there are the exceptions. Most kids can’t realize that whatever Suzy or Johnny did that made them mad will not matter in the grand scheme of things later. And of course this is something that is more prevalent in young teens and dissipates though the years with…waitforit…life experience. Yes, that’s correct folks, life experience.

Now, let’s think about this in terms of the CPS and their disciplinary measures. Most schools have very strict zero tolerance policies in effect for a variety of offenses. Zero tolerance sometimes is necessary however not an effective long term cure for social ills. Schools are supposed to nurture a child, and help them grow into a well developed and educated adult. New rules and government legislations have turned schools into privatized institutions that can be likened to the penal system. When a student is unruly they are immediately expelled and no longer the school’s problem. How does this help a student learn the skills he needs to act appropriately in this type of situation? All this does is put a brick wall in this student’s life and force him/her to try another route, bitter from the previous experience. Couple that with the fact that most of the “bad” schools are also in “bad” neighborhoods. Compound that with the fact that these students face all kinds of challenges everyday based solely on the location of where they live. Pressure to join street gangs, sell drugs, not got shot in a drive by, etc is enough for a 15yr old to deal with that they may overreact to a irrational situation or lash out in school. These kids don’t have the skills to handle everything in their life. And that is not their fault. How long have these “bad” neighborhoods been “bad”? One, two, three generations worth?

These kids need love, and respect, and guidance from all areas and aspects of their life. Facing them with strait harshness is not productive in building a relationship, it only builds a brick wall and turns them away. Tough love is needed, but only after unconditional love has been applied first. Kids need to know we actually do listen to them and understand, because we were misunderstood kids once. They need to know we understand that they will make mistakes and things sometimes happen, but learning from that mistake and applying that knowledge later is the most important part of that mistake.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/04/cps-student-suspensions-e_n_1475543.html?ref=chicago

You want my Facebook password for what...?

"house shoots down Facebook legislation"

Excuse me...say what??

Yeap, that's right...it is ok for a potential employer to ask you for your Facebook password in an interview. O_o...I'll let you ponder that for a moment...

This was disheartening to me when I read it because jobs are so hard to find these days anyway. I understand companies being more careful, wanting to know more about their applicants so that they can really make the best choice business wise. I'm a business student, I get it, a new employee is a big investment; hiring, training, paperwork, etc. To do it all only to have the employee not work out after their first two checks is frustrating. However...

To point out the catch 22 that this Facebook problem presents...

Everyone knows that every job application you fill out will ask you if you have ever been convicted of a felony. It also says that answering yes will "not necessarily disqualify" you from employment. Bullcrap...yes it does...automatically. I have worked in retail management for 12+ years and I can tell you first hand out of all the managers I have ever worked for or with, I have always been the only one to consider felons as real applicants. Other managers have pushed those apps to the side, on purpose. We all figure it happens and I'm here to tell you that yes, it in fact does happen, every day. Discrimination. But if I lie about it, then I risk being fired from the job later should the employer ever choose to check out what I denied. So I am faced with: tell the truth and be discriminated against or lie and risk having the rug pulled out from under me (being fired).

Same thing for the Facebook password question. You can give it to them, but then they can see EVERYTHING about you. Remember, YOUR Facebook looks different from what the public or your friends can see. With the new Facebook permissions you can choose what everyone sees individually. I do it all the time. Some of my picture albums are only open to family members for example. Heck, I can even post a status update about one of my friends and make it private from them. So an employer having the same personal access to my Facebook profile that I have is absolutely absurd. My personal messages, my personal photos, etc. What makes it ok to say this is a pre-employment requirement? Employers seemed to do ok before Facebook was invented. At the very least the employer can look at the items I do have set to public at any time, why do they need to be me on Facebook? This very invasion of privacy is against Facebook's rules of privacy.

I will choose not to give out my Facebook password. And everyone can refuse to. But we will all be worried this will affect our ability to be hired. Just like being a felon.

How will this affect you? Or someone you know? What if one of your Facebook friends gives out their password and the employer sees something they don't like about you? How is all this info catalogued and stored? Who keeps it? Who reads it? What happens to it?

How about I just give you my diary...will that work?

Everyone please make a stand against this and other legislation similar to it to send a message to our elected officials. Educate our youth not to fall victim to unreasonable demands by people who have no authority.

Live, Love, Laugh, Learn, & Teach!...

If everyone took an eye for an eye, the whole world would be blind...

Trayvon Martin...another young black life shot down too early. And yet, all too much of a common occurrence...

How many people remember Yummi Sandifer? Ramarley Graham? Cynteria Phillips? Sherrice Iverson?...

How many of those names do you know? How many more are there? What's my point? My point is that this is going on all the time. And no, not everyone of these kid's lives were cut short in the same way, but they did have some similar details. Black youths killed by white people in horrible ways. My point is IT HAS TO STOP. Has to. Stop. Now.

Being a Native American woman that passes for white on a daily basis, I am privy to the conversations of people who dont understand the culture (white) in a way that most people may not be. Being married to black man and having children of mixed race my senses are even more heightened, more alert, more protective.

Let me tell you something that we all think but no one will officially confirm or say out loud. Most people who don't understand the culture don't like us. At all. They smile in our face and stab us in the back at the same time. "I have black friends, I know black people" What a racist statement. EVERYONE knows a black person you know why? Cuz we are everywhere! You probably work with one of us! (yes I am including myself in the black people pool) But are you really a friend of black & interracial people? That is the question. I'll tell you a story...I worked for a prominent retail store that makes billions of dollars per year. I was an assistant manager. My coworker and I were standing at the registers one day when a group of black teenagers walked into the store. They seemed normal enough for me especially in the inner city of Chicago. My coworker turns to me and says "man, I HATE black people". O_o Really? This is the same coworker who has met my husband and children, showering them with compliments on their hair, skin, and features. I tried to give her my most calm unfazed poker face, and then it must have hit her. "Oh, well not all of them, uhh, you know what I mean, just the bad ones." O_o Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't we all show a dislike for all things bad, regardless of color?

Something I have noticed throughout my life is the grave misunderstanding that white people have for the black culture. Things that might seem threatening to a white person are normal and commonplace for a black person. The culture is so different that most white poeple who are not in contact with black poeple on a regular basis cannot even understand what black people say. It's sad, and what is even sadder is that this type of cutural difference is what leads to senseless deaths like this. Trayvon was carrying candy and tea while he walked home from the store. His crime was having black skin and having his hoodie up.

Last month my husband and I took a trip to New Orleans. On the way down we stopped at a small gas station in Mississippi. My husband walked in the store in a rush because he had to use the bathroom. He had his hoodie up because it was very cold in the van we were driving in and cold ouside as well. In Mississippi regular citizens can carry weapons on their person. This white man (security for the station) who was wearing a pistol on his side, approached my husband and got in his face. He told my husband to take his hood off. My husband, while doing the peepee dance, asked why. The white man said "it's bosses rules, we have to see your face". My husband said "you're looking at my face right now and that white boy in line has his hoodie up AND a baseball cap on". O_o By this time the peepee dance was making the white man nervous and I saw him put his hand on his pistol. I walked up to my husband and said "baby, just take it off ok?" To think I could have lost him that night, over misunderstanding, brings tears to my eyes. It would have been another senseless killing over the color of my husband's skin and his hoodie and the peepee dance.

I will not pose the question of why are we all getting up in arms over another death when in 3 weeks the story will be less sensationalized by the media and Trayvon Martin will be another name in history. I choose not to pose that question because we DO need to be getting upset. We need to get so upset that we effect a change. One that has never happened before. Facebook pics of people in hoodies is not enough. Marches are a start and so are rallies.

My children are of mixed race and if they were senselessly killed because of their skin color, or any other reason for that matter, I would be beside myself. I don't know what I would do. Would I be mad? YES. Would I want to exact revenge? YES. Would I want the killer brought to justice and hung from his toenails in a public square while he was killed slowly and methodically? YES. But we cannot do that, nor should we.

Right now we must take the MLK Jr path and exact change with our minds. We must out think this formidable foe, the white man and his violence. In our ancient tribes, both African and Native American, there were no senseless killings. Every death had a purpose. This is the work and teachings of the white man. To kill someone you don't like for whatever particular reason.

WE must effect change by any civil means necessary. And we cannot let this story be forgotten in 2 or 3 weeks. We must wear Trayvon on our sleeves, carry him in our hearts, and live his legacy through our own.

As the old saying goes, the best revenge is a life well lived.

What can you do in your community to effect change?...You can...

Live, Love, Laugh, and TEACH our youth the right way. Be a mentor to all youths you come in contact with. Teach them that every person they meet on their journey through life is a teacher to them regardless of race or class. There is a lesson to be learned in everything. Take a young child under your wing and prepare our future to be better, one child at a time. Violence will not solve this issue.

If everyone took an eye for an eye, the whole world would be blind.~Ghandi

Live, Love, Laugh, and Teach...

Socity and you, who's influence matters most?

"9 year old girl gives birth to baby boy"
"23yr old woman is world's youngest grandma"
"Teen Mom show helps reduce teenage pregnancy rates"

"Basket Ball Wives show makes girls stupid"

Everywhere I turn there is a story surrounding a young girl and her sex life. Teen sex and pregnancy is everywhere. And yes, in our society toady it seems to be more readily dealt with although it certainly is not the best thing in the world. Kids have sex. Period. Everyone remember the movie "KIDS"? Or remember when we were 14, 15, 16...right...But that doesn't make it any more right than it has ever been. Teen sex is wrong, but it is ever present in our society and therefore we must deal with it.

Please make no mistake, I am not in favor of waiting for marriage, not at all. I feel people should experience themselves and the world before they settle down. I know first hand that if you don't you will spend many days wondering what it would have been like to live reckless and free, even if for only a short period of time. Young men want to sleep around, young girls want to feel wanted. Attraction, it's powerful wonderful thing.

I'm already digressing, back to the topic...

Also, there is much sensationalism around reality TV. Again, don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good catfight between two girls over the color red or any other trivial thing as much as the next person. However, I do not feel this type of behavior should be displayed so easily in front of kid's faces. Young girls are impressionable. They mimic behavior. We all (girls) have put on our mom's lipstick when we were 2 or 3, and our kids have done it too. It's the cutest thing ever. BUT, realize that your 2 year old already realizes her identity as a girl, and therefore, from watching mommy, knows or feels she is supposed to wear lipstick, and therefore mimics your behavior. Now, cut to your daughter being 9, 10, or 13, or 15, and she is watching Bad Girls or BasketBall Wives. Or maybe she is watching you watch it. Or she is watching it with you. O_o See the correlation?? Your daughter now sees the behavior of these women on TV and will remember and mimic that in various ways. You may be saying to yourself, "not my daughter, I talk to her about how this type of behavior is not acceptable". Ok, but are you watching this show? are you eager to see the next episode or who got into what fight for what reason. Ok so now your daughter has just observed you go right against what you tried to teach her. And guess what kids do or try when you are not watching......O_o that's right, they try or do things that you tell them not to do when your back is turned. After all, if they are good kids they aren't doing it in your face. Don't be a fool sister.

To Summarize...Point Being...

Your child will choose her own path no matter what you teach her. She is an individual, and will exercise that right upon you eventually, more likely sooner than later. That's not to say don't teach her things, that's to say teach her the right things. Set the right example. And don't allow her to grow up too fast. My oldest daughter is 13. She has wanted to get fake acrylic nails since...forever. She has never had them. NEVER. Not even on special occasions. Your real nails are beautiful. You don't need to attract that much attention yourself at such a young age. Why put a big ol' red flag on your daughter? My daughter doesn't wear makeup but I have been known to throw a lil mascara and shadow on her for special events. Not too much, just a little. And I put it on, not because I don't trust her, but because I set the example.

Kids are having sex younger and younger now. Every time I listen to the radio there is not one song that comes on that doesn't deal with a sexual tone. I like the songs, the beats, etc. But I don't play that shit when my kids are in the car. I control their iPod play list. And no, they are not sheltered, they hear those songs anyways & know them without me promoting them to them.

Basically, our kids are going to be exposed to all kinds of things that are bad influences on them no matter what we do as parents. So why be the person to exemplify the wrong kind of behavior to them?

Live, Love, Laugh, Learn & Teach...

Infertile...really?

I came across this article that states young people actually think they are infertile. Although this surprises me, it also does not surprise me in several ways. I have posted the link at the end of this post.

Let's back up and let me preempt this post by saying I am at a cool point in my life right now where I see everything through two sets of eyes. One set that is still in my late teens to early twenties, and one set that is the age I am now (not telling) which of course is more grown up and reasonable.

Ok, back to the article. So the present day me was a little surprised because my rational adult thought when I first read the headline was "You big dummy!" (in my Fred Sanford voice). Of course you are fertile and only when you actually WANT to have a real baby will you realize you were cursed with not being able to do so and that will be because you paid a bunch of money to a doctor to tell you this. Everyone should always assume they are fertile until proven otherwise by a licensed physician.

Now, for the irrational child-like me. Yea, I thought that too, and so did a bunch of my friends when I was younger and dumber. If I had a dime for everyone who told me they couldn't have kids based purely on the fact that they had not had any yet I would be sitting at Trump status. We all thought that too. I still have friends who tell me that just because they have not gotten a girl pregnant yet. I had a bunch of unprotected sex as a teenager and never got preggers...until later.

What is so disturbing about this thought process is that it is sticking. EVERYONE thinks this now. Young people are becoming more and more risky with their behavior and using YOLO for their excuse. For those who don't know YOLO stands for You Only Live Once. This type of lifestyle is ruining our youth and our future. It's corny and old but Whitney said it best, "I believe the children are our future...". What a future we have in front of us with this mind set.

Yes, you only live once, but that is not an excuse or ticket to behave irrationally or irresponsibly. Instead, think of it as a reason to DO IT THE RIGHT WAY and NOT CARELESSLY. Prepare your life so that you can enjoy every aspect of it, instead of rushing into things and dealing with the consequences later. It is much easier to make a plan and stick to it to achieve your goals than to just wander aimlessly and look back at your life in 10 years and wonder why you didn't achieve what you wanted in life.

I wish I could interview some of these kids in 5 or 1o years from now right now. My first questions would be:

1. How'd that face tatt work out for your career?

2. How many kids you got now?

To all my young readers, wake up. Realize that you DO only have one life to live. One life that should be cherished, protected, and honored. TRUST AND BELIEVE life is nothing like a rap video, even for those guys. That's only on the weekends, everyday is everyday, and it's going to be about 4 million (exaggeration) regular days to every 4 rap video days. That's the reality of life. So if you don't want all your regular days to be shitty...wake up, now!

To all my older readers, be a mentor to someone, don't just walk past our youth in the streets and say "it's not my kid". It may not be your kid, but they are someone's kid. If it was my kid I sure hope someone like me would stop and offer a thought provoking conversation that would slap her back into reality. I do it all the time. All the time.

Remember...

Live, love, laugh, learn, & teach!

http://jezebel.com/5883016/young-people-totally-think-theyre-infertile