Satisfaction...
Sometimes that is a hard word for me. Whether or not you are satisfied with something is such a relative thing. Two people can experience the same thing and one can feel satisfied and the other not. Today I want to talk about satisfaction with life as a whole. Are you satisfied? If not, what would make you satisfied?
Satisfaction can come in many forms, a job, money, love. For me satisfaction is deeply rooted in my happiness. Am I happy with my life, how it is at the moment, how I think it will turn out, etc. Sometimes I feel as if there is something missing in my life, something that I am not satisfied with, and yet I cannot put my finger on what this item is. What would make my life complete?
A different job, or the job of my dreams would make my life complete. I would be able to make enough money to support my family and would wake up eager to go to work everyday. But, isn't that what everyone wants? It would also make me happy if my daughters were straight A students in honor classes, or if I had enough money to buy the things that I want without a care in the world.
But would those things really satisfy me? I'm not so sure. I think once those wants were met, I would want for something else. So does that mean I am never satisfied? I cannot agree with that either because I know there are things in my life that I am satisfied with.
When I talk to my brother about these feelings, he tries to put things into perspective for me. there are people out there with no job, mothers with no help from family, no father for their children, no car, no job, no education, no health care. I have a little something of all these things. I have a job, even though I do not like it. I have family help, though limited at times and rightly so. I have a husband who has always been here for me and my children and who fixes my car whenever it needs it. I have a decent education, my children are getting good educations, and I am currently enrolled in school now. I have insurance on myself and the kids. What else could I want? What could be more satisfying?
When he tells me these things it makes me feel bad because I know he is 100% right. So again, for me, I think my unsatisfaction is more deeply rooted. When I tell my best friend about these feelings, he says I am still looking for something. Something I have not filled or found yet, and only I can figure out what it is. So, I began a personal journey to try to discover this missing link in my life. Many suggestions come to mind right away. Is it closure, friendship, intimacy, acceptance? While I think I am searching for certain things within those categories, I also think that is not "it".
I was watching an episode of LA Ink a couple of nights ago. I do like this show, although I am not an avid viewer of any show. I don't record them or set special time aside for them because I feel real life is more interesting. But when I am in my bed, restless and awake at 2a.m. and there is a marathon on, I watch. So in this episode a girl got a tattoo that said "Fortes fortuna adiuvat" which means Fortune Favors the Bold. She said she had always wanted to do cool stuff like race cars, bikes, etc, and she realized one day if she wanted to do those things she just had to be bold and go out and do them, they were not going to come to her.
That's when it hit me. What's missing, what my dissatisfaction is. It's my career. I never did what I wanted to really do when I grew up. And my inner soul has been trying to get me to realize this. this is my missing piece to my puzzle, my something that I am still searching for. And yet, now that I know for sure what it is, it seems even farther away. I want to work in the water, with the water, and the creatures of the water. Outside. Wet. Cold. All things I do no necessarily care for...and yet will not be happy in my life without them. Funny isn't it?
So, I became bold, changed my major, signed up for my first class, and researched a scholarship I will apply for next year. I may be at the beginning of the race...but I am bold enough to not waste anymore time and get it started. You should too...
Live, Love, Laugh, Learn, and Teach!
~AprilFresh
