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Monday, August 6, 2012

Man appreciation...

A thought for today...

Women are so quick to down a man these days. Yes, a man is there to help you provide for you, love you, protect you... But he is human just as you, and has feelings too. When I met my mate,
I was in a realtionship. My mate made it is his goal to get me to appreciate myself weather I left the other man & went with him or not. He showed me in many ways how much he cared for me, as a person, and not as what he could get out of me. But I was blinded to him for a long time until slowly but surely, common sense kicked in and I realized, this guy is here through all of this...he really likes me. He really really likes me! (lol) I then ended the other relationship & let my rival have that guy. Smartest move I ever made in life.

 But then, I made mistakes again. I carried everything from the previous relationship over into this new one. I made it horrible for my mate to even breathe because I was still holding onto all the hate I had from my previous relationship. I was still so hurt by previous' actions and the fact that I gave up and didn't "win" him that I was bitter and cold to my mate. Lucky for me, he loved me so much. He stayed, and dealt with it, in his own ways. We were 18 & 20. We were young, and just trying to make it.

I began a war with my mate. Nothing he did was right. I was mad at everything he said and did. Back then I thought I hated him and the decision I had made. In hindsight I realize I was a young girl who was never shown how to really appreciate a man and then show him that. I thought making him a meal was the greatest thing in the world, but then would get mad when he didn't eat it. But I had made food he didn't like. I would hate him for wanting to go out with his friends and play basketball after work because I had been in the house all day. But what I didn't realize was he needed that escape and wind down from his day to properly show me the attention, affection, and love he needed to. And if he stayed out past 1am with his boys I threw the chain on the door and fought with him fiercely when he got home.

All of this was more than me just holding him to the standards of the last guy. It was also the product of heavy media and society brain washing.

Every guy that stays out past 1am is not out fucking nasty hoes in the middle of the street. Some are, but not all. Every guy that goes to play bball after work is not scheming on hoes. Some are, but not all. And if I am going to make him a meal, I should make what he likes, not what I like. Society teaches us that to not be a man's doormat we must kick him out the instant he does wrong and "train" him to do right by us, or he is gone. Because we are independent and strong!

I'm very independent. My mate will be the first to tell you "you can't tell her shit". I'm very strong. My mate will be the first to say "I'm glad you're here baby cuz I wouldn't know what to do". But I honor my mate too. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I keep in the forefront of my mind "This man loves you, raised two children with you, and never left you. Listen to what he has to say. Afford the benefit of the doubt."

Many women do not do this. When my mate was laid off after our second child was born did I snap off when he told me? Leave him? Ask him what now? Begin to hate him because he was not financially supporting me at this moment? Nope. I made him dinner, I washed his face, and I held him while we talked about how we would tackle this bump in the road. Then I made love to him so sweetly. And he woke up the next day ready to face it and find new employment. I gave him encouragement, advice, and love. Men need these things too. They need them just as much as us. If we do not give it to them, what will they have to draw on when we need it from them? Give & Take.

No one should be a doormat. No one should be in a relationship where it is only take and no give. But everyone should take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Do I really need to be this mad? What am I accomplishing by pushing him away? Why do I need to be so bitter about it? Does it even matter anymore in the grand scheme? Are WE accomplishing what we want to, or are WE fighting every day?

Ladies, step up. Take care of your man. You don't have to throw rose petals to his feet, but a kind word, a warm gesture, an unexpected moment of understanding, those small things go a long way for a man. A man is like many other things in life, an investment. If you want a large return, then you better take a big risk, invest a lot, and work hard until it works itself.

Food For Thought in a World of Rot...

~ChitownAP

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