Man appreciation...

A thought for today...

Women are so quick to down a man these days. Yes, a man is there to help you provide for you, love you, protect you... But he is human just as you, and has feelings too. When I met my mate,
I was in a realtionship. My mate made it is his goal to get me to appreciate myself weather I left the other man & went with him or not. He showed me in many ways how much he cared for me, as a person, and not as what he could get out of me. But I was blinded to him for a long time until slowly but surely, common sense kicked in and I realized, this guy is here through all of this...he really likes me. He really really likes me! (lol) I then ended the other relationship & let my rival have that guy. Smartest move I ever made in life.

 But then, I made mistakes again. I carried everything from the previous relationship over into this new one. I made it horrible for my mate to even breathe because I was still holding onto all the hate I had from my previous relationship. I was still so hurt by previous' actions and the fact that I gave up and didn't "win" him that I was bitter and cold to my mate. Lucky for me, he loved me so much. He stayed, and dealt with it, in his own ways. We were 18 & 20. We were young, and just trying to make it.

I began a war with my mate. Nothing he did was right. I was mad at everything he said and did. Back then I thought I hated him and the decision I had made. In hindsight I realize I was a young girl who was never shown how to really appreciate a man and then show him that. I thought making him a meal was the greatest thing in the world, but then would get mad when he didn't eat it. But I had made food he didn't like. I would hate him for wanting to go out with his friends and play basketball after work because I had been in the house all day. But what I didn't realize was he needed that escape and wind down from his day to properly show me the attention, affection, and love he needed to. And if he stayed out past 1am with his boys I threw the chain on the door and fought with him fiercely when he got home.

All of this was more than me just holding him to the standards of the last guy. It was also the product of heavy media and society brain washing.

Every guy that stays out past 1am is not out fucking nasty hoes in the middle of the street. Some are, but not all. Every guy that goes to play bball after work is not scheming on hoes. Some are, but not all. And if I am going to make him a meal, I should make what he likes, not what I like. Society teaches us that to not be a man's doormat we must kick him out the instant he does wrong and "train" him to do right by us, or he is gone. Because we are independent and strong!

I'm very independent. My mate will be the first to tell you "you can't tell her shit". I'm very strong. My mate will be the first to say "I'm glad you're here baby cuz I wouldn't know what to do". But I honor my mate too. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I keep in the forefront of my mind "This man loves you, raised two children with you, and never left you. Listen to what he has to say. Afford the benefit of the doubt."

Many women do not do this. When my mate was laid off after our second child was born did I snap off when he told me? Leave him? Ask him what now? Begin to hate him because he was not financially supporting me at this moment? Nope. I made him dinner, I washed his face, and I held him while we talked about how we would tackle this bump in the road. Then I made love to him so sweetly. And he woke up the next day ready to face it and find new employment. I gave him encouragement, advice, and love. Men need these things too. They need them just as much as us. If we do not give it to them, what will they have to draw on when we need it from them? Give & Take.

No one should be a doormat. No one should be in a relationship where it is only take and no give. But everyone should take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Do I really need to be this mad? What am I accomplishing by pushing him away? Why do I need to be so bitter about it? Does it even matter anymore in the grand scheme? Are WE accomplishing what we want to, or are WE fighting every day?

Ladies, step up. Take care of your man. You don't have to throw rose petals to his feet, but a kind word, a warm gesture, an unexpected moment of understanding, those small things go a long way for a man. A man is like many other things in life, an investment. If you want a large return, then you better take a big risk, invest a lot, and work hard until it works itself.

Food For Thought in a World of Rot...

~ChitownAP

CPS discipline too harsh?

Today I read an article in the Huffington Post, Chicago edition about CPS and their discipline issue. To me this is such a complex issue that I almost don’t know where to start. It is a very short article (link below) however; it so far has prompted over 97 comments, all interesting with merit in their own perspectives. I grew up in Chicago and went to a myriad of schools from test-in-only gifted schools to high priced catholic prepatory schools to the local neighborhood corner school. My opinions and feeling of these individual schools have changed over the years and given me perspective on my views of them when I was attending them. I say this because this school experience gave me a diverse background and insight into how they are run, the type of students that attend tehm, and the culture cultivated there as well.

This article, as I said, addresses the discipline issue facing inner city schools in the Chicago area. Many of these schools have notorious reputations or are breeding grounds for various gangs from the respective neighborhoods. The article states that a group of students staged a protest to the current discipline system demanding that it is reevaluated for its harsh standards. Student activist favor “restorative justice programs” and peer juries to determine disciplinary measures needed on a case by case basis.

Well, duh. You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. Teens have conflict because they lack the life skills to handle various situations and weigh the consequences of those actions against long periods of time. Well, most teens, of course there are the exceptions. Most kids can’t realize that whatever Suzy or Johnny did that made them mad will not matter in the grand scheme of things later. And of course this is something that is more prevalent in young teens and dissipates though the years with…waitforit…life experience. Yes, that’s correct folks, life experience.

Now, let’s think about this in terms of the CPS and their disciplinary measures. Most schools have very strict zero tolerance policies in effect for a variety of offenses. Zero tolerance sometimes is necessary however not an effective long term cure for social ills. Schools are supposed to nurture a child, and help them grow into a well developed and educated adult. New rules and government legislations have turned schools into privatized institutions that can be likened to the penal system. When a student is unruly they are immediately expelled and no longer the school’s problem. How does this help a student learn the skills he needs to act appropriately in this type of situation? All this does is put a brick wall in this student’s life and force him/her to try another route, bitter from the previous experience. Couple that with the fact that most of the “bad” schools are also in “bad” neighborhoods. Compound that with the fact that these students face all kinds of challenges everyday based solely on the location of where they live. Pressure to join street gangs, sell drugs, not got shot in a drive by, etc is enough for a 15yr old to deal with that they may overreact to a irrational situation or lash out in school. These kids don’t have the skills to handle everything in their life. And that is not their fault. How long have these “bad” neighborhoods been “bad”? One, two, three generations worth?

These kids need love, and respect, and guidance from all areas and aspects of their life. Facing them with strait harshness is not productive in building a relationship, it only builds a brick wall and turns them away. Tough love is needed, but only after unconditional love has been applied first. Kids need to know we actually do listen to them and understand, because we were misunderstood kids once. They need to know we understand that they will make mistakes and things sometimes happen, but learning from that mistake and applying that knowledge later is the most important part of that mistake.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/04/cps-student-suspensions-e_n_1475543.html?ref=chicago

You want my Facebook password for what...?

"house shoots down Facebook legislation"

Excuse me...say what??

Yeap, that's right...it is ok for a potential employer to ask you for your Facebook password in an interview. O_o...I'll let you ponder that for a moment...

This was disheartening to me when I read it because jobs are so hard to find these days anyway. I understand companies being more careful, wanting to know more about their applicants so that they can really make the best choice business wise. I'm a business student, I get it, a new employee is a big investment; hiring, training, paperwork, etc. To do it all only to have the employee not work out after their first two checks is frustrating. However...

To point out the catch 22 that this Facebook problem presents...

Everyone knows that every job application you fill out will ask you if you have ever been convicted of a felony. It also says that answering yes will "not necessarily disqualify" you from employment. Bullcrap...yes it does...automatically. I have worked in retail management for 12+ years and I can tell you first hand out of all the managers I have ever worked for or with, I have always been the only one to consider felons as real applicants. Other managers have pushed those apps to the side, on purpose. We all figure it happens and I'm here to tell you that yes, it in fact does happen, every day. Discrimination. But if I lie about it, then I risk being fired from the job later should the employer ever choose to check out what I denied. So I am faced with: tell the truth and be discriminated against or lie and risk having the rug pulled out from under me (being fired).

Same thing for the Facebook password question. You can give it to them, but then they can see EVERYTHING about you. Remember, YOUR Facebook looks different from what the public or your friends can see. With the new Facebook permissions you can choose what everyone sees individually. I do it all the time. Some of my picture albums are only open to family members for example. Heck, I can even post a status update about one of my friends and make it private from them. So an employer having the same personal access to my Facebook profile that I have is absolutely absurd. My personal messages, my personal photos, etc. What makes it ok to say this is a pre-employment requirement? Employers seemed to do ok before Facebook was invented. At the very least the employer can look at the items I do have set to public at any time, why do they need to be me on Facebook? This very invasion of privacy is against Facebook's rules of privacy.

I will choose not to give out my Facebook password. And everyone can refuse to. But we will all be worried this will affect our ability to be hired. Just like being a felon.

How will this affect you? Or someone you know? What if one of your Facebook friends gives out their password and the employer sees something they don't like about you? How is all this info catalogued and stored? Who keeps it? Who reads it? What happens to it?

How about I just give you my diary...will that work?

Everyone please make a stand against this and other legislation similar to it to send a message to our elected officials. Educate our youth not to fall victim to unreasonable demands by people who have no authority.

Live, Love, Laugh, Learn, & Teach!...